Hey Jamie, I think your story book has something great going for it and I cannot wait to read more. First off, I know that this project is for class, but other people may stumble upon it, maybe you could change your fist sentence up a bit to reflect that. Small thing, but is only a suggestion. I think it would be interesting if you gave examples in your introduction paragraph of stories where the birds were not portrayed positively. I know they exist, but I have never read them. It would be a way to support your goal of showing that birds can be misunderstood in stories. In you chapter one layout, it might be a good idea to give more background to the story, at the moment your explanation seems a bit plane, especially when compared to the others. In the second chapter, the second sentence is a run-on and is phrased awkwardly. For your second chapter. Positive though here, I love the premise for it! The third Chapter has a run-on sentence in the last sentence. Overall, I think your introduction is great. Looking forward to more of your stories!
Hi Jamie! I enjoyed reading the premise for your storybook and look forward to the stories you will write! Personally, I am a little scared of birds, so this will be a good way for me to see them in more of a positive light, rather than negative. I also love that each of them experiences hardship that has a positive ending.
Is your introduction going to stay in this format after you write the stories or will you rewrite it as one of the stories itself to set the stage? I like it either way, I am just curious what your plan is! It would be cool for the introduction to possibly explain how some people think negatively of birds to introduce the idea in story form and preface the contrast of positivity later on.
I look forward to checking in on your storybook later on and reading about the birds!
Hi Jamie! I think your idea for your storybook is awesome! I absolutely love how you've taken this opportunity to spread positivity]y, especially in the face of tough times. I think it would be good to explain some examples of how birds are generally seen in negative light in the beginning. I think it would create a nice contrast for your positive stories to be compared to. I really love the broad variety of settings you have chosen for your story, and they all sound like they will be very interesting and emotional! I noticed a few grammar issues while reading through, so I think it would be helpful to read it through again and check for missing words or missing commas. Your picture of the little bird at the bottom is super cute. It would be fun to see more pictures in the intro, specifically relating to the different stories to add some visual aid. I am really looking forward to reading your stories. They seem like they are going to make me cry! (in a good way though)
Hey Jamie, I think your story book has something great going for it and I cannot wait to read more. First off, I know that this project is for class, but other people may stumble upon it, maybe you could change your fist sentence up a bit to reflect that. Small thing, but is only a suggestion. I think it would be interesting if you gave examples in your introduction paragraph of stories where the birds were not portrayed positively. I know they exist, but I have never read them. It would be a way to support your goal of showing that birds can be misunderstood in stories. In you chapter one layout, it might be a good idea to give more background to the story, at the moment your explanation seems a bit plane, especially when compared to the others. In the second chapter, the second sentence is a run-on and is phrased awkwardly. For your second chapter. Positive though here, I love the premise for it! The third Chapter has a run-on sentence in the last sentence. Overall, I think your introduction is great. Looking forward to more of your stories!
ReplyDeleteHi Jamie! I enjoyed reading the premise for your storybook and look forward to the stories you will write! Personally, I am a little scared of birds, so this will be a good way for me to see them in more of a positive light, rather than negative. I also love that each of them experiences hardship that has a positive ending.
ReplyDeleteIs your introduction going to stay in this format after you write the stories or will you rewrite it as one of the stories itself to set the stage? I like it either way, I am just curious what your plan is! It would be cool for the introduction to possibly explain how some people think negatively of birds to introduce the idea in story form and preface the contrast of positivity later on.
I look forward to checking in on your storybook later on and reading about the birds!
Hi Jamie! I think your idea for your storybook is awesome! I absolutely love how you've taken this opportunity to spread positivity]y, especially in the face of tough times. I think it would be good to explain some examples of how birds are generally seen in negative light in the beginning. I think it would create a nice contrast for your positive stories to be compared to. I really love the broad variety of settings you have chosen for your story, and they all sound like they will be very interesting and emotional! I noticed a few grammar issues while reading through, so I think it would be helpful to read it through again and check for missing words or missing commas. Your picture of the little bird at the bottom is super cute. It would be fun to see more pictures in the intro, specifically relating to the different stories to add some visual aid. I am really looking forward to reading your stories. They seem like they are going to make me cry! (in a good way though)
ReplyDelete